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but isn’t it time Hope gets past Zack and Alice’s deaths? Although I have never lost a child, I’ve lost everybody else in my family and even though you always have a little bit of sorrow in your heart, it eases as time passes. It’s hard to believe that after this many years (three?, four?) both Bo and Hope still cry when they talk about Zack.
BTW, it looked today like Bo just got out of bed or else he may have tipped a few too many last night. His eyes were all squinty and swollen-looking.
of her at Christmas, and other occasions, but not grieving still because Alice had a long and full life. I cannot see Hope getting ever past the death of Zack, but I can see her moving on in her life with fond, loved and cherished memories of him, and I see the total opposite of Hope getting past loosing her child in such a violent and unexpected way – Hope and Bo rarely mention their children, or grandchild – I think they moved way past grieving forever for Zack. Bo and Hope’s "beloved" children are an after thought as all children are in DOOL – they are conveniences to the story line until they become young adults like Mel, Chelsa, Abby, Chad, etc. otherwise, the small kids are just brought out as furniture.
Look how great Sydney’s story line was from the time she was a baby until after she was kidnapped, now Sami and EJ just spout platitudes about how much they love their children, but most of the time the kids are upstairs in the attic at the Pub. After they are shot at, kidnapped, run away, etc. DOOL does believe in the old adage of "children (not) being seen or heard…"
My brother died in 1977 at age 39. My dad died in 1990 and my mom in 1994. They never got over his death. Around his birthday my mom would get moody and cry for no reason. Even she didn’t know why until we looked at the calendar. We couldn’t drive past the main entrance to the cemetery without her breaking down and certain Christmas song such as Blue Christmas and I’ll Be Home for Christmas made her cry.
When my brother died many tried to console her by saying "I know how you feel, I lost my brother, I lost my mother, etc.." She had one too many of those and started yelling. YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I FEEL. I’VE LOST BROTHER’S SISTERS AND BOTH PARENTS AND THIS IS DIFFERENT. THIS IS MY CHILD, I CARRIED HIM FOR 9 MONTHS AND WATCHED HIM GROW. IT’S NOT THE SAME.
and my parents are still not over it, that was back in 1961. Every year on her birtday and date of her death, they both are very sad. Even my grandparents spoke of my sister often. My sister was only 8 months old when she died in a car accident. Of course, this was before car seats.
I remember reading an article once about nervous breakdowns years ago. According to the article there are only really 2 reasons for a breakdown, I think one was fire but I remember for sure the other was the death of a child.
when the death of a loved one or family member occurs, with the exception of your own child. I should think that would be a broken heart that never heals. At least for me it would be.
I said in a previous post that I have never lost a child. That’s totally untrue. I lost a premature (seven months) baby after he had lived for only one hour. Obviously, it is out of my head because I had completely forgotten about it. Maybe I didn’t mention it because I didn’t really consider it my child because of his short time on earth.
I never held him, he was just plopped into a stainless-steel wash basin and taken out. Maybe they thought he was already dead but that seems to me to be all but impossible. I would think the shock of hitting that cold metal would be enough to kill a new infant in itself but he held on for that hour anyway. I just know that I hardly ever think of him.
When my brother died at age 36, my mom said it was harder on her than when my dad died, one year previously. She always said, "You’re not supposed to have a child die before you." I know that was probably the worst thing that had ever happened to her. There were times when she’d be thinking of him and she’d grab me (I was a mother then also) and hug me just so tight and not say a word. She was never one to say she loved me but I sure knew she did at that time.
Of course we remember our lost loved-ones but I just feel that over time the pain deminishes to the point where we can talk about them without being outwardly emotional. I no longer feel the pain (for my mom, especially) or really even sorrow now. Again, call me hard-hearted but that just me.
I lost my daughter 5 years ago and on her birthday and Christmas, I do cry, sometimes its really small things that you hear,smell or see and your heart breaks all over again, it feels like some one slapped you, it hard to explain, but no you do not ever get over loosing a child, you just manage to move on and it get better,but you will always have those times,when your heart still hurts for them. so I can see Hope & Bo crying over a Christmas ort. with Zacks name on it.
I’ve never lost a child, but I lost a brother who was 3. He was hit by a drunk driver. That was in 1963. My mother cannot mention his name without crying. Sorry, but I don’t think you ever get over the loss of a child. You go on with your daily life, you live, but I don’t think for one moment that you "get over it."
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you said it well though. That is what I tried to explain in my reply.
I don’t think you’re hard hearted, you’re protecting yourself. My cousin tried for years to have a baby and after many miscarriages finally had a little girl who, like yours lived an hour. They buried her and never spoke of her again. They never went to the grave and once she said that’s a part of her life she doesn’t want to remember or be reminded of. The pain was just so bad she couldn’t go through it every day.
My Dad has Alzheimer’s and he’s still getting emotional over Margaret’s passing. I once heard that it’s harder losing a child because in the normal order of things the parent would go first. I can’t even begin to imagine how anyone in that position would feel, so I won’t even attempt to do so. But my heart goes out to anyone who has felt that pain.
brother died I came to the realization that you live your life, grow up have kids and watch them grow. At some point you pass and your kids carry on and the cycle repeats. Even though it hurts to lose a parent or sibling it’s not out of the norm and actually the older you and your parents get the more you try to prepare yourself for them not being there anymore (as if you can really be prepared for the death of a loved one). Then once in a while life throws a monkey wrench into it and a child dies before the parent. That’s NOT the way it’s suppose to be and nobody can prepare themselves for that. Your children are suppose to bury you not the other way around and I can honestly say I can see that Bo and Hope do remember Zach and have tears and hard times thinking of him. You have these dreams for your child and you imagine them at the age they’re suppose to be, graduating high school, first day of college, getting married and having their first child. You envision a life that’s never going to happen and that can cut a parent’s heart out.
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